Ever since I was introduced to this song on my most recent road trip, I've been unable to stop listening to it.
For the first time since I was five, I'm not returning to school in the fall. Oh, I certainly plan to next year, but the fact remains it is entirely my choice, and that is stunning and exciting. And I am fully aware that this song is relevant, because it's right now I choose what I want to do. It's terrifying, because I'm scared I'm going to fail horribly, but I know I have to choose, and there's a certain confidence in that.
The other thing that just happened is I finished another novel. I am thrilled with this one, but it's another instance of change. Even though I'm going on directly to write the next installment in the series before the characters pack up their bags and move out of my head, it's not going to be the same. Again, exciting, new, and absolutely terrifying.
So I've been taking lots camping trips this summer. My middle school's outdoor program instilled in me a desire to flee to the wilderness when there are decisions to make or difficulties to heal from, and heading on my long first trips without my parents or school with me has seemed a deeply appropriate way to mark the transition from college to the great big world. It's scary, but being that independent (constrained only by my car's tiny gas tank) is one of the best feelings I've ever had. There's a thrill to knowing that everything you need is with you, that you can go anywhere you want.
After a long hard year in which a lot of things went very wrong--as wrong as they possibly could have gone, in some cases--that is an enormous comfort.
